The last week has been a true soul cleansing experience. But I am not there yet!
I went through my week last week like normal – 100 miles an hour! Proposals to draft, work to do, being a mum, being a wife, being a daughter, being a sister … go go go …. But last week was exactly what I needed. On top of my usual very busy life, I needed to add to this 2 meetings at school before I started work, 1 school council meeting, merchandise arriving & needing to be photographed and distributed and some ongoing family issues that just bogged me down.
So Friday night came and I looked forward to the moment that I pack my stuff for my Liv/giant ride. I had received a beautiful necklace during the week that was to show all the names of the people that I ride for. By taking the first letter of everyone, the piece has been stamped with MAVERICK B GHIANT. So I carefully attached this to Mav ready to hit the road the next morning. I pumped up the tyres, layed out my gear and then got into bed knowing that in 4 hours the alarm would sound to get me on my way.
But those 4 hours were spent tossing and turning, getting up to my 2 year old, more tossing and turning and more comforting my 2 year old. At 4:45am was the last I saw of my clock before I drifted into my much needed sleep. BEEP BEEP BEEP …. 5:15am … time to get up. So I did. Like a zombie who had just had a 30 minute power snooze, I dragged my sorry body out of bed. And then it hit me. What was I trying to prove? Who was I trying to impress? There was no way I was going to make it through the day if I got up now and went out on my ride. I had to be home by 11:30am to ensure I could get Sam and Amy down to Athletics and register them for the new season. This didn’t need to happen today, but it was what the kids wanted. Then Mello had to head off to work at 1pm and would not be home until midnight. That means no rest for me as I take care of the 3 kids.
So I wisely went back to bed and dozed until 8:30am which was the time the family started to wake and start there day. And then the reality of what I had done crept in. I had missed my Saturday ride. Not only did I miss my time with a great bunch of girls who seem to give me the boost of positive energy I need, but I had missed my exercise time! I had missed my bike time! Now was the time to feed the kids, dress the kids, register the kids with athletics, do shopping, do washing, cooking, vacuuming, mopping, tiding, entertaining kids, playing with my kids etc…
And there would be no tomorrow. Sunday was usually Mello’s day. He does his 21km+ run while I take care of the kids. And then we try to have our family time – which now days is only on Sunday afternoons. I had missed my chance to ride.
Getting through this weekend has proved to me that I need more balance. And balance is something I am normally good at. Give me 100 things to do and I will get them done. Give me 1000 things to do, and I will get them done! But now I know at what cost. That cost is me. I have been trying to be everything to everyone and in this process I have not been true to myself. I have not stopped and said “I need time out” I have not stopped to smell the roses and I have not stopped to enjoy the view. I have just been ploughing through at 100 miles an hour in the hope that I would cross the line.
So, where to from now??
I now have a schedule and in this schedule lies the things that are most important to me. First up is my family. My kids and my husband and all the 100 things that I need to do for them daily. Then comes work, because I have to be there 40 hours a week to pay the bills. Lucky for me though, I can get some other things done at work. Exercise – Daily. My lunch break is now my walk / run times. I also get to walk between two main offices which is a total of 2kms! Fundraising. From 8:30pm – 10pm on Wednesday night and another 2 hours scheduled somewhere, dedicated to my fundraising. Saturday morning rides – every fortnight I will go to St Kilda and the other fortnight I will go solo at home. And Sunday is family day. No riding, no fundraising … just a day to spend with my family and appreciate what I have. (Yes, this will include 6 loads of washing…. But keeping the family in clean clothes is just as important!!!)
Rest, Renew, Recharge … that is what I achieved this weekend!
Now to tackle some more mountains!!!